Saturday, Jan. 03, 2009

-

I cry a lot. I suppose to most people that�s a sign of weakness or something abnormal. That may be true for all I know. I agree it seems strange that most of the time I only seem to feel the extremes of emotions. I�m either crying to hard or laughing too loud. Maybe I�m still too young or even immature to know how to find my medium yet. Crying seems to happen easier of the two emotions. For while I was convinced that it was good that I cried daily, citing some random article I had heard about on TV or somewhere that claimed crying could lower blood pressure and prevent heart attacks and strokes. So I told myself it was good and healthy to have this cry and someday when I reached my 90th birthday I could say my secret was a good healthy cry every day. Then I started noticing that my crying was often accompanied by emotions that hung heavy in my chest and throbbed in my head. The hollow feeling of loneliness, nagging failure before I even knew what I was trying for, the heavy pain of sadness. Sometimes I feel like the child of sorrow or just the victim of regret� my dramatic mind will proclaim as it struggles to feel poetic and creative. I often declare I�m going to write a book. Promising myself that there�s someone else who feels as lonely and lost in the world and somehow my written word and experiences will matter. Other times I feel vain for such notions and realize that if no one seems to give a shit in my life about my spoken word, my written word probably won�t be any different. Perhaps there truly are some who are meant to just fill space in the background in life. There can�t be people in the forefront to appreciate and admire unless there are people being forgotten and stepped over to balance it all, right?

harlemrain at 11:13 pm

previous | next