Thursday, Mar. 06, 2003
F*CK YOU YOU F*CKING F*CKER F*CKHEAD
I cried today.
Many times.
First I cried continously in the wee hours of the morning. I dunno what set me off, but somethin did and I couldn't stop.
So my eyes have burned like hell today and again I'm runnin on like two hours of sleep.
Then I cried again after English thanks to the fuckin English Nazi.
She has it out for me I swear.
Basically she decided to point out several times that I'm a fuckin nerd and I could hear people behind me whispering while looking in my direction.
I'm tired, crabby, and more sensitive than a boy named Sue so I had a panic attack.
No, not one of the easy to hide hyper-ventaliating ones, where I freeze, stutter a bit and manage to recover in a short amount of time...
I had a wounded, defeated, "oh god, I'm suck a fucking loser...hope I don't wake up tomorrow" ones.
I might have been fine if I had been left alone in silence to cry it out, roll around in my self pity for a while and then went on with my day.
But no, things don't work for Lauren, we should know this by now.
I have like one fuckin hour out of Wednesdays and Thursdays that I really want to be left the hell alone. I don't want to talk, listen, or be around any noise, and yet I'm always in the middle of fuckin noise.
Today it was some short, fat, common sense lacking Boeing layed off worker who was eating something that looked like it might have once been canned spaghetti. Bitch was at my table. Its the only table in the room thats tucked away in a quiet corner. Stupid cow.
No I don't know her, but I'm in a bad mood and she was in the way. In other curcumstances in another time I probably would have noticed her...but I digress....
The room reeked of her feed and to top it off, every time she took a damn bite, she clacked her teeth against the spoon. YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO EAT THE FOOD NOT YOUR FUCKING UTENSILS!!!!!!!!!
It was all I had to do not to turn around and shove her food, bowl and all down her throat and seal if off with that damned plastic spoon.
Who freakin eats spaghetti with a damn spoon anyway???
So just as I'm ready to ripe her head off, this other layoff walks in and starts talking at the top of her voice to everyone in the fucking room.
Do people not fuckin know what the signs that say "Quiet Student Study Area" mean??
She finally got the hint when I shot her an eat shit and die look and then continued to glare at the back of her head while she spoke to some other of bastard about the troubles with young peoples these days.
The trouble with young people is that were sick and tired of you damn old people making decisions that screw us over.
Like a college education is really gonna help a fuckin 60 year old...get a clue grandma, if you can't get a job with experience, you're not gonna get one. Stop takin up space that someone else actually needs to survive for the next 60 years in the world your generation fucked up for us.
I finally decided to try the class room...I'm usually the first one in there, so I thought that maybe, just maybe I could have like two minutes of peace to call mom and cry.
Lauren obviously hasn't been paying attention to the pattern of her day.
I'm in there for like a minute when that stupid Indian guy comes in. No he's not stupid because he's Indian...he's stupid because he's a fuckin moron. I can completely understand having a foreign exchange program with countries that can speak English. But if you don't take the time to learn it, DON'T TRY TO GO TO SCHOOL HERE!!!! WE SPEAK ENGLISH!!!!
Dude said he's been here for several years and he speaks like he just got off the damn boat. There are people in India that speak better English than him. Hell the African kids who have just started there are more understandable than he is. They're no where as annoying either.
He sits down the row from me and fuckin stares at me on and off for half an hour.
I finally turned to him and asked him what he needed. He started acting all startled and looked like I had just thrown monkey turds at him or somethin...
The only good thing that did happen was class let out almost an hour early.
I'm so gonna sleep all day tomorrow.
I deserve it after a shit hole day like this.
harlemrain at 3:19 pm