Thursday, Sept. 30, 2004
"And as I try to make my way to the ordinary world /I will learn to survive..."
Duran Duran is my emotional music of choice.
I should have figured out some changes were ahead this week when I decided sunday to find all my Duran CDs.
I'm thinking in stead of getting all the cds I can buy at the store here locally I'm going to get the John Taylor CD(s) I've been meaning to get for four years now.
I'm still sorting my energy and emotions, but for the most part I do feel better. No real stomach aches tonight. I'm pretty sure I can let go of my pain, hurt, sadness, and maybe even my anger. It's going to take some time, I have some questions for Dr. Libby next week, but over all I really do feel in control of it.
The main thing I need to figure out is how to protect myself in the future.
I watched the debate with my mom tonight. I think I have a good idea who I'll vote for in November, I'm hoping one of the next two debates will deal more with issues here on our own land. I understand that the war is a major issue, but I don't want to pick a president souly on that topic.
Again I'm hopeing to be able to get myself up on a friday. I've been wanting to bury myself in my Duran Duran videos and it looks like tomorrow is about the only day I'll have to do it as the weekend around is again booked up and Monday I really should try to get some homework done.
All of these changes starting to take place within myself have me more and more confident that our move to Ohio is coming up.
I realized a few months after I was first told about the move that the current Lauren couldn't handle leaving here safe bubble here in Kansas. I knew that before I left I would have to start preparing to be a bit more independant and I would have to be strong enough to thrive in the new enviroment.
In the healing that's started I also feel new strength and have even noticed small signs of new confidence.
It's almost like the layers of my sad and depressed adolence are falling away and I can see that I can not only really be an adult, I can be a happy, healthy adult. A year ago I didn't think this was possible.
I know there will be lots of changing to do in Ohio and for a while I may revert back a bit into my shell, but now I believe... I know I can work to pull myself back out.
harlemrain at 10:32 pm