Thursday, Sept. 30, 2004
some clarity in confusion
I almost didn't go to school today, but something told me I needed to.
I got my homework done around 6 this morning and crawled into bed. I nearly cried when the alarm went off, but as I said, I got up anyway and went.
During our break in class I asked Dr. Libby about the subject of my book "The Highly Sensitive Person".
I was curious to know if she had any experience with it.
She tuned into the fact that really being highly sensitive means being highly senstive to all types of energy. She know about my stomach problems and when I mentioned my colon she gave me a knowing face.
Like my mom, she says I need to find a way to shield myself. My stomach problems are a result of lost energy, she says that people are sucking it out of me via my abdominal chakra.
This makes a lot of sense to me as that the one part of my body I feel a constant need to protect.
Even as I sit here now, all alone in my room, I'm leaning over protectively shielding my chest and stomach.
She asked me to stay after class and said she wants to start working with me.
After class she read my aura and chakras. In my aura she quickly found my sore hip and siatic (sp?) nerve. In my chakra she said my throat was completely closed (communication) and she got a head ache and felt faint. She als mentioned that while my heart was green as it should be, it was still doing some "interesting things".
She asked me to stay again saying she wanted to try and clear it.
She looked at me and said "Re aline the nerve where it should be and release all pain"
For the first time in months my hip stopped hurting.
She then said that she wanted to erase all memory of hurt, pain, and sadness.
I felt myself immediately tear up, "That's a lot of letting go."
She nodded, "I know."
I fought tears all the way out to the car.
I barely got my door shut before I exploded into tears.
I felt stupid crying in the parking lot, so I covered my face trying to get control of myself.
I looked up in time to see her going out to her car, but instead of sopping at her car, she came up to me.
She smiled warmly and asked me if I was ok, I told her I was.
"We will do this every week after class if we have to."
I thanked her as I started to cry again.
She then told me to e-mail or call her if I needed anything before then.
I cried all the way home. My shoulders started aching as well as the middle of my lower back. I also noticed a shift of pressure in my chest.
Its like my body's wants so much to release all of the pain, sadness, hurts and fears but it doesn't really know how.
I've struggled with this for so long. I cry, I scream, I write, I vent, and still I hurt inside. My stomach still hurts, I don't know what to do.
What if I can't function without the pain, what if thats what keeps me going, trying to find a comfort for it?
Me tears aren't just about this though, I really started crying when I realized she understood me. She saw pain and sadness in me that I haven't told about or shown anyone and she wants to help me with with it.
I feel so many things my head hurts.
I'm gonna go lie down.
harlemrain at 3:59 pm