Monday, Jul. 19, 2004
Dispite how I may come off at times I am fairly well centered...
Well my Grandma's apparently feeling better. She spent the duration of our family dinner calling my grandpa names and telling him everything he was doing wrong and made seperate comments to my mom and myself about our weight.
I had a split second where I was ready to just burst into sobbing tears knowing it would make her feel bad, but I didn't do it because unlike some people in my family I do have a conscience.
Tomorrow is day two of the three day invasion and I'm already counting seconds until they leave.
Just having their energy in the house is messing me up somethin fierce. What's even more fantastic is the girls have discovered the bathroom down here... my bathroom and Katherine can't seen to grasp the concept of closing the door.
I will say this, Crystal is not that bad to have around. The teen years are upon her now and she's mellowed out a bit and does seem to realize that she's a guest in our house and hasn't caused much chaos at all.
My Uncle hasn't been to over bearing in his bitching about my grandma either, I wish I could say the same about my step-father.
20 minutes in the car with him ranting about how no one in this family likes him and how he "just wasn't going to talk to Milly".
Bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch bitch bitch... SHUT UP!
Ever think that maybe you make matters worse by over venting about the situation??
Anyhoo, tomorrow's Tuesday and Wednesday morning our house will clear out and it's a more than welcomed change.
Even my fuzzy siblings have had more than enough of extra bodies in our house.
Wednesay is also when I spend the morning with the dentist and hopfully a) get the filling I've been telling them is broken since Janurary fixed so I can eat and not feel excrutaiting pain in my jaw and b) get my mouth guard for sleeping and hopfully help get rid of my mirgaines.
It's also a week mark for my surgey.
Woooo busy month.
Not sure what I'm gonna do about school. I need to enroll.
I've been kicking around the idea of forgoing the scholership and insurance and just takeing like two or three classes. It's more expensive and a little risky should my body decide to fall apart again, but I need a break from the full load.
I've done nothing but school for 15 years, I'm tired of it and I still have several more years at least to go.
My dad's family doesnt seem to get that, but I also don't think they understand what it's like to dedicate yourself entirely to school. They've never seens a 4.0 on their grade card either.
In fact from what I understand I dad's parents couldn't believe their eyes when he brought home Bs.
My mom has the sense enough to know I work hard at it and wants to to take time off comepletely, but I don't think I could sit idle that long. My mind needs to do something, just not as much as I was doing. I've thought about a job, and then I decided maybe instead I'd just cut down my hours at school.
Yes I do know that someday my lazy, people dislikeing, fat ass will have to go out and get a job in the "real world", that day's not today or tomorrow.
I think it's saying something that I would rather go back to school than get a job.
Plus I know that whether we get to Ohio or not we are moving out of this house and back to the side of town we belong on.
If I wait till at least then I'll have quite a few more places to seek employment at.
I don't wanna think about it too much though. I made that mistake last night and worked myself into fearful sobs.
I have strong ideas of where my I would like to see my life go, but the fact is they're just ideas. I'm not completely sure where I'm going and I sure as hell don't always know how to get wherever I'm going.
My faternal family seems to forget that I'm completely knew to the hwole adult thing. I'm not completely sure on everything I need to do to support myself yet. I may be 22 before I start testing the waters of being completely independant and this does not make me a freak or abnormal.
I have psychology books that say it doesn't, I have people that say it doesn't,I have a gut feeling that says it doesn't, and I have people my age tellin me they wish they had the sense to do what I'm doing.
Really the only people who seem to think I should be on my own and have a career on track are my father and his family.
So very very frustrating.
I know I need to talk to him about it, but there never seems to be an approperate time, Kim's always up his ass or he's in a bad mood.
Plus the next time I see him face to face will (supposedly) be my birthday and I really don't wanna "discusss" a damned thing then.
Hey look Rocky V's on AMC again this week.
"Yo Adrien"!
My obsession with this series of movies really is pretty twisted.
harlemrain at 11:03 pm