Saturday, Oct. 11, 2003
frustrated
If decisions you make are resoinsible for your life as an "adult" is my life respresentation for what happens if you don't make decisions?
I ask this because, I don't remember the choices I was given, therefore don't recall making any decisions.
I'm listening to them fight.
I usually know what's going on but this time, I'm not so sure.
Mom seemed a bit agitated when I went up stairs in search of food.
I guess I was acting the same, I don't know for sure, but we settled on pizza she stomped off and I stomed down stairs and erupted into tears.
I guess she tried to ask him if he wanted anything and somehow a fight started from there.
Now I feel screwed.
If I stay up stairs anddo my homework I'm an easedropper.
Down here I have no surface to work on.
I forgot today was Megan's birthday party and have yet to hear from my dad.
I dunno if it's going ot be a big deal or not.
If I ever get this fucking astronomy done, I plan to go over there tomorrow and give the rugrat her birthday present.
I have a speech to right but no idea for a topic.
I'm at my witsend with astronomy.
I feel like everything I do ios a waste because I don't see how anything I do will amount to anything useful.
I'm a waste of space.
I'm do frustrated with everything, no one understands, no one cares to understand.
I try to explain to people how I feel and no one listens to me.
Its all "I'm sorry..." or "That's too bad.."
I start feeling like things make sense and then something happens and I feel like this again.
I hate school.
I'm tired of living like this and now the talk of moving to Ohio has started again.
Now it's all "no idea when" meaning it's just going to loom over head causing problem at anytime.
I want to get a job, I want to start saving money for my potential place to live in a year or two when i move out.
But how the hell am I supposed to have a job when I can't motivate myself just to do my fucking homework?
I feel sick.
I feel tired.
I feel frustrated.
harlemrain at 10:09 pm