Thursday, May. 22, 2003
I am NOT bulimic!
I feel better.
Dad sounds better.
He says Kims doing better.
Todays been better than the res of the week.
I was finally left alone long enough to spend the afternoon at my dads house.
Kim was at work with dad, but I hung out with her mom and got a nap.
Dad and Kim got home a little after 4:30.
I watched and helped dad as he mowed the law at the new house and Kim wanted to go by herself to the old house to mow.
My dad really opened up to me yesterday.
He told me things that he admited to knowing were out of his hands but were still fears, he also confided that he hadn't told anyone else this much.
If I"ve learned anything about this its that my step-mom is amazing in her strength.
She went to counsiling right away, which most suriviors don't. Some may never get counsiling at all.
He said there are somethings shes still upset about and they bother her from time to time, and thats understandable, but he also said that the cousiling may help her with those, at least enough to help her get her life back together and be completely ok again.
The biggest fear she has is obviously not knowing who did this. She has a few details she remembers from what she could hear, smell and feel, and is fairly certian they were of a specific race and one of them was big in build with facial hair.
Dad says they do ok out in public until she sees a group or a big man that fits the vague descripition she has.
I drove by the store where in happened the other day while with my mom and Ernie.
My stomach twisted in knots and tears filled my eyes again.
Its suh a public place, so many other stores and resturants around and its on a busy street, it made me wonder if there we any witnesses and they just haven't come forward...
I've been so worked up and upset with this and other events going to shit in my week that I've been seriously ill again.
I spent most of Monday night in that bathroom vomiting up everything I"ve eaten in the last 6 years.
I went to the dentist Tuesday and was informed that all this wonderful vomiting had caused 8 cavities and 70% of the enamle of my back teeth to rot off.
Then the stupid hygentist gave me a 15 minute lecture on being bulimic.
Telling me it wasn't good for my body to do this, asking all kinds of question that weren't any of her damn business, and then trying to give me the names of doctors that could help. Then she tells me she understand my pain and all about bulimia because she's a recovering bulimic. If you're so fucking smart, why can't you see that I AM NOT BULIMIC????
She was on my nerves anyway and I was incredibly crabby from everything in my life and I knew my teeth were gonna be in rough shape simply because I have been vomiting and spiting up acid on a regular basis for the past 10 months.
But this "you need to get help for your condition" shit really pissed me off. She was luck she never put her fingers directly in my mouth because I was ready to bit them off and tell her self mutilation wasn't good for her body.
Then the dentist comes in. He's a younger looking guy, probably late 20's early early 30's, nice blue eyes, seem very friendly.
Well it appears Miss Bulimia 2003 got a hold of him and now he's lecturing me.
He wasn't as patronizing as she was, but it was still annoying.
From what I understand bulimics don't just offer up all the information about their vomiting. Bulimics also don't vomit at randomly, they have some warning. I'd really like to stop vomiting, seriously should someone come up with what the problem is and how to cure it and its works, that person will be left the most in my will. Hell I'll probably give them my first born.
I finally got out of there, but was seriously ticked off and annoyed.
They also set my moms ass ablaze with this crap. She said they told her I had no enamel and would need to come back for fillings, but they didn't tell her about her daughters eating disorder.
I told her about it in the car and she acted a bit annoyed and assured me several times that I'm not bulimic, but then started tellling me that she's going to foce me to take my pills from now on and should things not improve she's gonna make me go back to the doctor for something new.
Thanks a fucking lot Bulimia Woman and Dentist boy. Saving the world from bulimia one non-bulimic at a time.
(O_o)
I go back in June for the first of three appointments to fill my acid cavities. I memorized what Miss Bulimia looked like and will refuse to be in the chair should she been the doctor's assistant.
Today wasn't bad at all. I actually got to sleep last night around midnight ( damnit I missed metal mania again) and slept though the night. I haven't done that for months. My dreams were weird, but I guess that normal for my twisted mind.
I'm enrolled for school with my books from last semister turned in.
I have huge plans in about a week and a half ( I can't talk about them till they happen or I'll jinx 'em) and I feel so much better today.
Thank God.
Time for something seriously good to happen around here.
harlemrain at 2:56 pm