Sunday, Feb. 08, 2004
Rantyish
Being a routine person kinda sucks.
I got all set in my vacation routine and now I'm all outta whack and distorted with this new school routine.
I get conflicked about going to school.
I only go for three hours a day three days out of the week and when I'm there I usually don't mind it, even get to like it since I'm actually learning stuff this semester and for the most part I don't have teachers who think we need to do group work for everything.
I think my biggest problem is the work it takes to get me there.
Gettin up, gettin showered, gettin dressed, findin all my stuff, prayin my car starts, fighting traffic as I drive to the other end of creation, hoping find a spot to part, praying I can find my "usual" seat free, and then the time it takes me (no matter where I go) to get comfortable with my surroundings.
I know everyone has to do pretty much the same thing I do, whether they're going ot school, work, where ever, but it still feels like a huge pain in my arse most of the time.
I'm also so sensitive that I worry for the first part of the class about people looking at me.
Whether it be because my hair it acting difficult, or I think the shirt I'm wearing shows my chubby gut or back... I just feel watched everywhere I go.
I know realistically that 95% of the time no one may notice I'm even there, but I get over stimulated so easily and quickly that I get paranoid and figity and thus cranky.
I don't think the people around me realize that when they make jokes about me needing/wanting to live in a bubble like Bubble Boy that they're probably right.
Not that slap stick stupid movie bubble boy, but the John Travolta, sees the wrold though his live hook up to the TV in his room, has a whole people free area in his room, Bubble Boy.
Have to be a big ass bubble though, cause I want all my stuff.
All of it.
Its not that I'm materialistic, but the way I see it, we come into the world with nothin, leave with nothin, so why not have some cool stuff you cherish while you're here?
harlemrain at 11:12 pm