Monday, Dec. 08, 2003
Tuesday disguised as Monday
Yeah so all these past days I thought were bad or sucky....
Nothing like today.
As usual I didn't sleep last night and had to go to school today and give a big ol speech first thing.
I can't tell you a damn thing I said during that speech because I had an anxiety attack like no anxiety attack before.
I blank out and run ran my mouth until I reached the end of the page, if I said the words on the page I don't know.
I don't know for sure whata ll triggered it, I must be way more stressed than I thought.
All I remember in the girl I sit next to snorting and sneezing all over my stuff for the 10th time and a girl in the back of the class roll her eyes at me and sighing and then... nothing.
Just trembling, feeling hot, and wanting to cry.
I spent the rest of the day at school shaking and on the verge of tears.
I tried so hard to find a quiet spot to cry, just to let it out, but every place I went to hide people popped up and wanted to talk to me or touch me or just suck the life out of me by being there.
I then became extremely angry in Lit. I have serious isues with my teacher and his ideas that everyone has all kinds of time to read his 600 pages and analyze them.
By the time I was done withs chool, I just wanted to go home and curl up and cry and then take a nap.
I went to my dad's first to drop off my wish list for Christmas so they had ideas of what to get me.
I figured I could drop it off while they were at work and just go home.
I got there to find his car in the drive way and Kim met me at the door.
She told me to be calm, he had gotten hurt and was drugged heavily.
They think he tore his rotator cuff or the biscep muscle on his arm.
This means he could face serious, painful surgery and long recovery.
Up to six months off of work...
It scared me to see him in that state.
He kept telling me he loved me and I was his precious baby daughter and that me missed me.
I wanted to cry so bad, from hearing him say that stuff and seeing him like that... it was almost to much for me to handle.
I managed to stay calm, but god am I exhausted.
I wanted to get my astronomy done tonight, but I don't know how likely that is to happen.
God, if you're listening here.. I could seriously use so strenghth and comfort.
Thanks.
Now I just get to sit and wait for the winter stormt o blow in and see how screwed I am.
Maybe they'll cancel school.
I'll make up a day... really, I don't mind.
I need an extra day or two in this week.
harlemrain at 9:21 pm