Sunday, Jun. 20, 2004
My emotions are tired
I don't even know how to describe the day I just had.
At the moment I'm fighting tears of frustration if that gives you any hints.
The birthday party wasn't as bad as I thought it might be but at the same time it was far more draining and confusing.
The �family� consisted of Kim�s two younger sisters (who don�t like her all at and didn�t speak to her or my dad the entire time) her sisters� kids (they both had two stupid boys each), Kim�s mother and her boyfriend, Kim�s former Father in Law, Kim�s EXhusband his wife/girlfriend former mistress (This is the chick he screwed around for a year with before he walked out on Kim and the girls) her two sons and scary teenaged daughter, my dad, and myself.
This party was full of fucked up-ness aye?
I got there before Dad and Kim got home with Ashley�s cake and all at once found myself being swarmed by Kim�s relatives.
You�ve heard my complaints about Kim, childish behavior, fucked up ideals, etc. Well get this�
She�s the classiest person in her whole damn family!!!
I began to wonder why the hell I was really there� I seriously doubt that the little rugrat would have really cared if I was there or not� then I noticed something�
My dad was practically up my ass the entire afternoon. Twice I was a human shield and once an excuse to get away from someone.
Awww tricky tricky mister man. I will remember this�in all honesty not because you now soooooo owe me but because you needed me.
The crazy clan hung around long enough for the kids to rip up dad and Kim�s house, eat all the cake, bring the total tally of fits thrown to about 862 billion and then all piled out at once because as you know the white trash life doesn�t just make itself, you have to work for it.
Dad had part time work tonight and I was givin the oh so very enticing offer of joining Kim and the girls at All Star Sports to play games, but despite only being up for about 5 hours, I was already drained for the day.
I should have taken that as a fucking clue and just gone to bed for the night.
Instead I took Ernie�s suggestion to see a movie this weekend and suggested we go tonight.
I don�t know what the fuck happened exactly.
Did I start pissing him off at dinner because I didn�t wanna discuss the birthday party anymore�
Did I just rub him wrong at the theater� am I paying yet again for his children not caring about him� is Jupiter in the wrong house today?
Just what the fuck is it I don�t know, but I make a joke that �just wasn�t funny�.
Yesterday it was funny and today its not. Had he said it to me it would probably have been fucking hilarious.
Now he�s pissed and is going to play the martyr game.
Well you know what asshole, it doesn�t work anymore.
I apologized, I meant it, anyone there could tell I was joking and had no intentions what so ever of offending you, now you can fucking kiss my ass.
I�m still tired of this shit.
Yes these past few months of being pleasant are greatly appreciated, but they hardly make up for the ten fucking years I spent feeling sick to my stomach because you just don�t want to like me.
First off this better not be because you�re feeling sorry for yourself because tomorrow�s Father�s Day.
You can fuck right off there. I showed you I care about you and lashing out at me because you�re kids don�t want anything to do with the father who didn�t do much for them or in Angie�s case spoiled her fucking rotten to the core is only going to piss me off.
I don�t lash out at you and treat you like shit because my dad�s a shit to me half the time.
I can handle chemical imbalance or just being in a pissy mood, but I will not be lashed out at in place of your �real� daughter. Fuck you and the horse you rode in on pal.
What also pisses me off here is that I know he�s very aware of what his being angry used to do to me. The guilt of upsetting him and making things harder for my mom used to eat me from the inside out.
I know he�s knows about this because he does it every damn time and I�ll bet you like last 20 bucks he�s gonna try it again.
God he just makes me so fucking angry!
You what pisses me off the most?
Even with as fucking angry�infuriated as I am at him right now and as much as I seriously don�t like anything about him and could just ring his fucking neck�
This whole fucking situation still hurts me.
It steals causes a bruise on my heart.
Damn it!!
harlemrain at 12:40 am