Friday, Dec. 13, 2002
Therapy
Well, after two weeks of nothing, I've decided to try again. Maybe after a break from school, I can start back and manage something somewhere near normal...maybe.
It's been two weeks now since I went to the emergency room and my ears still hurt like hell. I feel like my ear drums are gonna blow out. I wish they would, then maybe they'd stop hurting.
Bazy and Sassy are still goin at it on a regular basis with tiny Bazy kickin big ol Sassy's butt. I knew animals could be a bit dense sometimes, but Sassy's entering the realm of just plain f**kin stupid.
I have a regular head shrinker appointment now, but after three visits, I don't know if I really want to go anymore.
The first two visits were ok, giving the usual sob story of my background, blah blah blah, but this last one sucked. I don't know what happened, what I said or did, how the planets were aligned or what it was, but everything I said was turned around and thrown back at me in the form of an attack. She threw my sense of humor at me, things my mom used to say and do, she acted like some simple little, worthless letter would fix things with my dad. Half of the stuff she brought up I didn't want to work on. I know what sarcasm supposedly means and I know my dad and I have a bit of a messed f relationship sometimes, but what father and daughter don't?
I promised my mom to give it another go and try to lay out for her what I want to work on, but I dunno if I can stand up for myself enough to even do that.
I think the major issue is part of what I wanted to work on in the first place, I dont trust anyone at all. Hell, most of the time I don't even trust myself. Then, to top ot all off I know that what ever say is going to be scrutinized and JUDGED. It makes me clam up even know. *sigh*
I don't know what to do anymore. I know I need help on bigger things, but I don't see why some of the little things have to be changed. Sure somethings will have to change to add up to the big picture, but why does she get to pick?
Oh well, back to my Ewan McGregor movies, I need comfort again.
harlemrain at 3:43 pm