Sunday, Dec. 04, 2005
Jonny Straightrazor
I'm confessing my soul to Jon in text messages.
He started it, sorta.
He sent me one saying "Just thinking about you."
So I replyed, "I think about you a lot."
Cause I do.
I think about how normal and calm I felt hanging out with him. When the cold wind hits me in the face as I walk across campus, I think about how he used to huddle up with me and we'd keep each other warm while making fun of Kara and Mark's relationship.
I think about how shitty it was that I didn't get to say a proper good bye to him and let him know I was really leaving Wichita. I was so fed up with my family I just wanted to leave, so when the time came I bolted and he paid for it.
I don't know why I still get jittery when I think about him or spaz like a monkey when I get messaged from him on MySpace or my phone.
I have doubts that a relationship could ever work or that he's even interested in that and being friends feels a bit awkard to me now since on the last day of school we both confessed that we had wanted more but were scared to pursue it.
But I'm still curious if I could be wrong. What if we're what the other one needs to experience happyness?
I'm such a dork.
He hasn't responded to me yet. I'm curious to see how this goes.
I'm betting that hes drunk and won't remember it, but here's to hoping that I'm wrong.
harlemrain at 4:58 am