Sunday, Jan. 07, 2007
Things I can't seem to say
I'm tired of getting better just to get sick again.
I'm tired of feeling like I can't just go to bed when I don't feel good.
Why can't you give me one night off?
I'm going to beg off in a little while and I know that you're going to give me a guilt trip over it. Even though I'll tell you how crappy I feel and the fact that I want to go to bed this early should say something.
I'm tired of your guilt trips.
I'm tired of you turning everything that happens around to be about you.
The night I felt my world caving in and just wanted to curl up and die. You gave me a fucking guilt trip. I needed someone to help me feel better and you just made it all worse. You set me up to think you were actually thinking about someone either than yourself and then just fucking...dropped more guilt all over me.
I wish you'd mature past high school. really do.
You're not a bad person. You're actually very nice. But you're still completely ego-centric.
There's a world outside your own. People have situations much, much worse than your own. And other people have problems. Just because you may not be able to understand the pain or strife others are dealing with, doesn't make it any less valid than your own.
I really, really wish you'd learn this.
I'm losing my patience and I hate that.
I can't be the only person you rely on anymore. The burden is too heavy. You're started to take me for granted and I'd be foolish to just allow that to happen.
I want to be friends and I like rping with you, as a rule, but there has to be some limits here now. You have to give me room to breathe.
Don't call me when I'm sick to bitch. Don't guilt me because we have different lives with different futures. I had no control over who my parents are, just as you had no control over who your parents are. God made us who we are for a reason. Don't guilt me because I need sleep. Just stop guilting me, please. I've done nothing to deserve it.
I don't want to snap at you. I don't want to get mad or be a bitch. But... I feel it building. I wish I could just kindly mention things to you... but I know that leads to more guilt and you crying and making everything way more dramatic than it needs to be.
Life isn't a soap opera. Or a teen drama. Not everything has to be chocked full of drama. You are the the helpless victim you make yourself, and every character you create, out to be.
Sigh.
I feel like a bitch because I feel this way. And part of the annoyance tonight could be that I'm sick, but honestly I really feel things building up. For a while it was kind of nice to feel important to you. Like you needed me and I could help you. But now you just drain me and then complain when I have no more to give.
I'm sorry. I'm just so tired.
harlemrain at 1:51 am