Thursday, May. 08, 2008
Much to young to feel this damn old
I am almost 24 years old. In the last 6 years I have had my gallbladder out, been check numerous times for diabetes, been diagnosed with severe acid reflux, had to put orthopedic insoles in my shoes, and accumulated a not so short list of other medical incidents that usually make doctors and nurses say "wow, you're so young for that!"
New to this list are nose bleeds. I just had this atrocious thing called a Rhino Rocket pulled out of my left nostril after 24 of the roughest hours as my life because in the 24 hours before that I had at least 8 different gushing nosebleeds. While looking for information on the internet I found numerous lists that explain why both small children and elderly people can get nose bleeds. At the ER almost every example the nurses and technicians had to draw upon for adult cases were elderly patients.
I'm so tired of feeling old. Have a cabinet full of pills I need to take everyday and still always feeling like I'm falling apart. Always feeling so tired and worn out by a life I've hardly had the chance to live yet.
Old and fragile. That's how I feel a lot of days and it seems unfair. It also just seems so strange because from what I know, outside of my dad's severe allergies, both sides of my family had people who were all healthy when they were young. It was in middle and older age that they started having all the health conditions I can already relate to.
So what does this mean? Premonition for a premature death? Being prepared to have a very sickly child someday? Just shit luck?
I play a lot of it off as a joke most of the time with "I hate my guts" and "Gee, I can't wait until I actually turn 40!" but the truth is this all depresses me most days. Outside of my mom, most of my family chalks me off as a hypochondriac or just sickly all the time. The Captain gives a lot fo grief over it, making fun of of the situations I'm in or saying he thinks there's something wrong with me as a person. As if I don't recognize that a person my age shouldn't have these issues.
Sigh, I'm trying to be positive about it. Believe there will be a day when I'll feel perky and wide awake and be able to eat a steak and have a milkshake without paying for it immediately after. And I'm really hoping the nosebleeds are over and done with because there is nothing quite as freaky and thinking you could very well bleed together through your nose.
harlemrain at 9:59 pm