Saturday, Sept. 20, 2008
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I'm trying to be as understanding as I possibly can be in these last 6 or 7 months. I know he wants me gone right now and thus feels the need to be a gigantic asshole towards me instead of just leaving me the fuck alone so I can get my life and things together and be ready to leave. What I can't understand is why it's so hard for him to listen when things are epxlianed to him. If you push me, I will drag my feet out of spite. I will stay in your house longer just to get under your skin. I don't value your opinions anymore because it's clear to me that you don't even seem to value me as a person, so your words are just wasted on me.
I understand that mom is dealing with a lot too and part of that is having to help push me on my way. What I don't understand is why her gentle shove has to turn into negativity that really looks like she's picking a side. So once again I'm ina home where I have a severly hostal force and a parent who's jsut laying down while their child is shoved around mentally and emotionally. Whats worse this time is that she's more than aware of it.
I don't want to leave here with such a bitter taste in my mouth and feeling inside. I don't want to be angry with my mother but I also don't feel like I can voice any of my feelings anymore without it being made into a big deal for all the wrong reasons, misinterpreted, or just pushed aside. I'm so tired of all of this and honestly don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore. I'd just say "fuck it all" and go right now if I didn't know I'd probably regret it. I really don't want to leave that way.
harlemrain at 11:02 pm