Wednesday, Jun. 09, 2004
Wreched Child
It's rained off and on since about 1 or 2 this morning and my mood pretty much shows it.
I love the rain and thunderstorms (without damage of course) are even better, but if my mood's up to par, I don't fare well without the sun for very long.
I had a very vivid dream this afternoon that I was in a pissy mood abd being provoked by Ernie and ended up taking it out on my mom.
I didn't just bitch at her, I was screaming and shouting, saying evil, hatful things I wouldn't ever truely think let alone say or scream at her.
I could cry now thinking about it.
Seeing again in my mind how her face crumpled up as she nodded taking all the false blame I threw at her.
She just took it all.
I woke up feeling so sick to my stomach I couldn't get up.
Now that she's home I feel as if I've done something wrong and feel too guilty to be around her.
I don't know if I should tell her about this dream or not, I don't want to upset her by letting her know I dream about verbally assulting her.
But I also don't want her to think I'm acting like this because I'm upset at her or Ernie or something else is wrong.
*sigh*
I need a shower, I feel disgusting.
harlemrain at 6:27 pm