Tuesday, Mar. 15, 2005
"If my life get's like a jig saw/ with the pieces out of place/ come on over/ put a smile back on my face..."
Fat Actress is like the best show ever. I�ve already told my mom that if/when it comes out on DVD I want it. Kirsty Alley is my heroine.
School still looks bleak. My mom called BGU today to see about a visit to the campus and ask them about my dilemma. Basically unless I become a fabulous singer over night and pull an accompanist piano player/music instructor out of my ass by July 15th, I�m screwed.
So now I�m going to enroll and we�ll go meet with an advisor in person and beg for any mercy they may have.
Psychology isn�t looking too fantastic to me at the moment either. As I browsed their list of classes a psychology student would be expected to take, I saw right in the middle of the first semester �Pre-calculus� followed of course by Calculus in the second semester. I�m still not sure I could get through an algebra class, let alone fucking calculus.
This wasn�t supposed to happen. I was told by many adults that when I planned out my future as thoughtfully as I did that things would work for me and everything would be wonderfully fantastic.
Now it�s bleak and uncertain. I don�t like being uncertain like this.
I�m trying to keep faith that things will work out, but hitting this wall so fast and so hard makes it difficult.
I felt like getting this degree was possible part of my purpose in life. I now that sounds off the wall and crazy, but that�s how I felt. That�s why I made such a drastic move and spend an hour or so everyday missing my family and all things familiar in Kansas. That�s why I was actually happy and excited to be going back to school this fall.
I still have some hope for a miracle, but tonight I remain bummed.
I�m apparently craftier when I�m bummed.
I�m nearly done on two different mosaic projects.
I got tired of being shut off in the cold basement, so where ever I migrate in the house tonight, I drag both vases and the glass beads I�m using on the around.
I�m making a purple and pink one for my Grandma C who�s been in and out of the hospital lately, my mom estimates she�s spent 20 of the last 30 days in and feels like our visit this weekend may be a last visit before we lose grandma. I feel like she�s winding down in this life too, but I�m not sure about how quickly.
I need a job where I can glue things all day.
I like to glue. I like to glue with liquid glue, stick glue, brush glue, and hot glue. I just like glue, always have.
I have about 30 pictures in my digital camera I need t load into my computer and print with my handy dandy printer to take back with me this weekend. If I can find the will to get up tomorrow at a descent time I�ll probably do it then.
I didn�t want to get up today because I woke up with the start of a migraine (that�s still hanging out with me despite the three doses of Excedin) and I was having an interesting dream that I wanted to see the ending of. I never got to see the end, so I don�t know if I got to go on tour with Def Leppard as their new assistant and date Joe Elliott to not, for the sake of my crappy day needing a good ending, we�ll assume I did.
Instead of finishing the Leppard dream I had another dream with Lindsey and a guy who supposed to be Britney Spears� brother. Apparently he was leading some girls group thing and I got dragged along cause Lindsey had the hots for him. The big final activity was taking our shoes off and sliding on a tile floor, which I refused to do. So while everyone was sliding around looking like goobers, I was being harassed by Britney�s brother because I wasn�t being a �team player�. I woke up before I could tell him to take his tile surfing and stuff it. I have no idea where anything in that dream came from except for Lindsey being in it. My mind�s a strange place sometimes.
It�s also tired tonight from all the stress and thinking it�s done since the initial blow to my dream, so I�m going to give it a rest for the night.
Maybe I�ll even get to bed before 6 AM.
harlemrain at 2:48 am