Saturday, Jul. 26, 2003
I'm going blind, but I think I know how I feel for you and how I feel about being 18
Ever had a week being so slow you feel the seconds tick and yet way too fast at the same time?
It feels weird...no sir I don't like it.
I'd rather have the too long week right now.
Really the only reason it feels too short is because I'm not real sure I want to go out with you tomorrow.
It's not you really,It's the going out, I just like being a lazy bum at home and I feel like I have so many things I wanted to do that I probably won't get done before I leave( most of that's due to my procrastinating nature, but anyhoo...).
I'm also scared that your going to turn out to be clingy.
I'm like fly paper for clingy freaks so it's a big issue with me.
It's part of the reason I doubt I'll ever have a 'normal' relationship.
I like being left to do my own thing.
It's nice to have someone to toddle around town with, got to the movies with, and do stuff with, hang out and watch TV with, talk on the phone for a while with....
That's all just dandy, but I'm not into togetherness all the time.
People (with few exceptions) tend to annoy me if I'm with them for too long or too often.
In my disfunctional mind we went out Thursday, so out togetherness quota is filled for the next few weeks.
I'll talk to you for a bit on the phone when I get home from my grandparents, but this seeing you a day after we spent an evening together, just not my usual thing.
I'm also not real keen on the local band scene thingy either.
Local bands from around here...well suck.
You even said yourself that you're not real sure how good they'll be, so that means we'll have to shit through shit or find something else to do.
I dread that too.
Yes randomly going to All Star Sports yesterday was a bit of fun, but again, spontanity....not really my thing.
I spent the entire time feeling like I was making an ass outta myself.
I feel better about the whole how do I feel about you stuff though.
You're a guy friend. A buddy.
I don't think I could be much more with you (for the moment anyway), simply because we're too much alike to some ways, different in others and I think our differences would clash.
Plus we wouldn't talk, two shy people on a date...oh yeah lots of conversation there.
Plus I don't know that I fit in with the people that will be there tomorrow.
I like to hide in the crowd and blend in,be tucked away safely in the feeling of being annomous (sorry people, you should know by now I cant spell for shite and am too lazy to get a dictonary) but I'm afraid here I'm gonna stick out like a sore thumb woth a neon green bandaid.
You were going on about the Emo kids...what the hell is emo?
I've heard of it but I dunno what it is and I'm probably not going to ask you for fear of looking like a retard.
I dunno...I'll probably have a good time, I'm just bitchy type person I guess.
I am kinda looking forward to Sunday though.
For the first time I can remember, I want to drive.
To top off the freakyness, my dad's teaching me to get where I'm going.
I think I'm ok with this because he won't actually be in the car with me and I know I'm going to see the best damn grandparents in the world.
The other times I had to learn to get somewhere it was some place that sucked, like work or school.
I'm also not being nagged about this.
Before dad nagged the hell outta me and made me feel stupid.
This time he actually tried to be nice and calm me down about it all.
Instead of "Oh, even you can't screw up this bad ya retard."
I got "I used to be scared going back and forth between Mac and Wichita, I just learned that on this system you really can't get lost, just calm down and you'll be ok."
The only thing I dread is that he'll wanna go at the ass crack of dawn.
So not only will my wagon be draggin from sleepyness, I won't be able to see squat.
I seriously need my eye doctor's visit next month.
I'm seeing better without my glasses than with them.
I really dont think someone who's as blind as I feel right now should be driving all that much.
I'm seriously ready for next thursday.
Bring on 19, kiss my blinding white ass 18.
18 sucks serious butts.
In that minute between your last day at 17 and you 18th birthday people just expect you to all of a sudden know everything about being an adult.
If you don't know something it's "You're 18, when are you going to learn?" or "You're 18, act like it."
I just T.P.ed someone's house and am going home to watch the Angry Beavers, I AM ACTING 18 DOUSH BAG!!!!
18 still has teen on the end, therefore I'm still forming and shaping, lets not shape me into an angry individual this late in the game or I'm most likely gonna be the next Bell Tower Shooter.
Most people don't give a crap what you do until your 21 so leave me the hell alone.
It's true, I read this whole article about it on some big news page.
They took some poll and people don't really expect you to be an adult, living on your own, being all responsible like until your 21.
I've got 2 years, I'll get it all figured out (hopefully).
No gives a poo what you do at 19 as long as you do it in your own yard.
I guess the newness of you being an "adult" has worn off so they're movin on to the new batch of 18 year olds and the 21 year olds who have yet to do anything with themselves.
I'm ready for 19.
I've decided to try being a bit more daring this year, but I don't know how yet.
Maybe I'll get a job, maybe I won't.
Who the hell knows?
On that note, I'm going ot bed.
I need sleep or I'll be cranky (er) tomorrow night (tonight, if ya wanna be picky about it).
harlemrain at 12:55 am