Tuesday, May. 24, 2005
Please like me, I'm fragile
My mishaps and goof ups are usually found to be humorous by both myself and those around me.
I guess in a way they became part of who I am.
Goofy, klutzy, ol� Lauren.
Then a little bit ago a comment from a friend caused me to sit back and think about it for a second�
I realized that it�s actually kind of sad and pathetic how I seem to use my falls and trips, malfunctioning inanimate objects, and various other mishaps to draw laughs because I�m otherwise highly unappealing.
So in a sense I�m asking people to laugh at me. Laughing at expecting me to screw up and do something stupid cause that�s what I�m good at.
That�s kinda sucky�
So if I fix this about myself, become extremely careful, avoid sharp objects and highly pressurized cans, learn how to single task and only pay attention to the one thing I�m doing.. take away this expected screwing up� will that take away what little charm I have to amuse my friends and family?
I like to be humorous, but being laughed at isn�t so cool feeling.
I dunno, maybe I think too much about things.
I know I�m seriously insecure. While I�m not as bad as I once was, I still worrying about being judged and what people, especially the people I trust and love, really think about me.
I think I�ll try to stop thinking now before I dig a hole I can�t get out of and thus don�t sleep tonight.
harlemrain at 1:27 am