Thursday, Oct. 14, 2004

One of Those Days

I'm a rather frustrating person to be right now.

I skip school in the spirit of doing things productive and then I don't do diddly squat.

I sat in my booger green bigman's chair all evening looking at three magazine's, planning to do the articles while my parents flipped back and forth between the last debate and what ever else was on.

Later I get on the computer with the intentions of being productive and don't do shite.

Now I'm sitting here at 3:30 knowing I need to be up by 10 and that I have what could be a long day ahead of me and I still have nothing productive done.

What the fuck am I doing??

"The Road to Hell is paved with good intentions"

aye?

Well then the road to living in a cardbord box on the side of the road must be paved with productive intentions.

Thats one of my biggest fears in life, being poor and alone.

I don't want to be obscenely rich by any means, but I would like to be in a comfortable position and not have to worry about eyeing the family pet when dinner time comes or trying to convince my kid(s) that wearing a burlap sack is infact a trend they should start at school.

I like being able to splurge here and there and I'm fairly sure that when I have kids I'm going ot want to shower with witha ll kinds of affections and material goods.

But I can't really do that when I don't do homework and thus my grades go down in flames and leave me with no college degree, meaning even McDonalds won't hire me and there I'll be in my box smoking the last nasty drag off of a cigerette someone threw in the gutter.

Fanatsic. Every one should have a back up plan right?

I seriously don't get. Why can't I seem to get stuff done?

Midterms are within the next two weeks, after that time flies like theres no tomorrow.

Every teacher wants a project of some sort, including another fun filled research paper for the loud Mr. Magoo and presentations for Dr. Libby and the Mad Cow.

I have to keep grades up this semster, I hate to. I really want to start school in Ohio next fall and if I want to even think about a possible scholership or other "give me monies" prgrams I need to maintain my grades.

Dammit Lauren, don't screw shit up before you have a chance to start it.

All this said, I still intend to get last weeks book report done before I sleep.

I thought about faking the movie review thats due, but some how I link that to being unfair to Dr.Libby and thats just wrong.

So I'm keeping up the ever so commendable trait of turning everything in late.

I'm really not this terrible of a student, I don't understand what's going on with me.

I've always gotten stuff done, I bitched and moaned about it to no end, but it go done.

I don't want to use the "Maybe I'm just burned out" excuse anymore, High School was 2 almost three years ago now.

I'm starting to get worried that I'm training myself not to handle "real" life things.

Maybe in some way my dad's right, whether I like it or not the majority of society has to juggle jobs, family, this and that and everything else, I can barely handle school and home.

One major project and my system shuts down. Its ridiculous.

Now to be fair I am making major changed internally, I have been fairly good about keeping with operation dung out this time, and I'm still trying not to shit a brick over the realization that going to Ohio is really happening....and happening very soon...like Janurary soon (Ay carumba!), but I still have to focus on school.

Tomorrow I have school and then dinner at dad's for the little rugrat's birthday.

Friday I have got to get it in gear. Not just intend to. It has got to happen.

I am so meaning it this time.

harlemrain at 4:14 am

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